firstkissofsteel | (no subject)

[ oh he's turning pink because, duh, a-qing is right. ] Sorry, I — [ but since she laughs so brightly, it makes him follow suit, a quiet laugh before he shakes his head on his side of the screen. ]

I will do my best if you want to purchase clothing or other things. [ what do young maidens like? he has no idea. ]

Oh, sweet stores, yes! Someone kindly sent me the address of a place that sends liquid sugar by the gallon. [ however... ] No, we cannot afford that much but we could get some for everyone.

I think your brother would enjoy this treat. If he has been behaving.

Why don't you pick out some stuff for me? I don't really know what'll look good. But you can see it! [For once, this time. Hopefully forever. Hopefully things can stay like this forever, just like was promised.]

Liquid sugar...? [What the FUCK that sounds both amazing and like it would make her stomach upset in about .5 seconds. But he's already shutting her don before she can think to ask--dammit he's getting good at this too quickly--and she pouts. But at least there's a compromise...]

Hmph, when does he ever behave himself?

[ ...for once, for now. ] I do not know the latest fashion trends but I am sure we can find something. [ i am so sorry for your future wardrobe a-qing.

aha, he knew it! he knew the liquid sugar would get her attention. ]

We can get some liquid sugar yes, although it may be too sweet to eat on its own. [ then again...] Your brother behaves, sometimes. Mostly when he is in the mood to do so or if you find something to bribe him with.

Like liquid sugar.

Da ge always says daozhang looks so stylish, so I trust you to find something that'll look good on me! [Rest in FUCKING pieces a-qing.]

What do you put it in then if it's too sweet on its own? [She sort of rolls her eyes.]

I feel like bribing him kinda defeats the purpose of it all, but I guess if it works... [She trails off, considering, and then adds:] Daozhang, what do you see in da ge? He's so annoying and loud and terrible sometimes. So why do you like him so much?

He...does? [ he is surprised but should he be? xue yang has done nothing but compliment him since they met in this world. it is confusing, he feels immodest accepting compliments in general but most of what xue yang says - it's unearned isn't it? he's not the man of later years that spent time with the delinquent and his 'sister'. ] Ah, I saw a polka dot sweater that would look nice, I think. [ i am so sorry a-qing. ]

I haven't asked but maybe some sort of bread? [ he means pancakes ]

Maybe, but we can't ask too much of your brother - he has had a difficult life, as long as he tries that is enough. If I can make things slightly better for him with something he likes that is - good, I feel. I would do no less for you, as well.

[ and isn't that a good question? xiao xingchen goes silent because does he like xue yang? yes? but —

He makes me feel - better, safe — ]

I do not know, I just want to save him.

[And here A-Qing has to pretend she doesn’t know what polka dots are...

But she listens carefully, taking notes of every change in pitch or tone. It’s a noble gesture, really. Xiao Xingchen is sweet and therein lies most of the problem. Xue Yang liked sweets to an unhealthy degree—and A-Qing supposed she wasn’t too much better about that, not when Xiao Xingchen was involved.]

Save him from what?

[She has a feeling, but she wants to hear it]

[ he will probably get her in something like this which is not hideous but it is very...bright. ]

I do not know what kind of life you lead, if it was full of unkindness like his but you are safe here. Even if I am not around, Zichen will look after you. [ and of course, her 'brother', but he feels that goes without saying. ]

I - [ there is hesitation. maybe fear of failure? ] I want to save him from his darkness. Whatever it is that is haunting him - I cannot fix his past or those memories. I can only offer him a better life here, a happier one and guide him to become a better person.

The person I am sure he is and would have been had karma been kinder. When I first met him I thought he was beyond redemption but he has shown that is no true because he wishes to change. Maybe I want to save him from... himself.

He does not have to be alone when he has us. When he has [ oh. ] me.

[ sorry a-qing. he has a lot of feelings about xue yang. ]

I apologise, this was - it's not - everything will be fine, eventually I am sure.

[For a long moment she says nothing, just sort of closing her eyes as she lets the words wash over her. It's bittersweet. She's happy for Xue Yang in a weird way, in the same way she's happy that Xiao Xingchen is happy with this--or finding happiness. Maybe he doesn't realize it himself just how deeply he's in love or how much their happiness is intertwined with his.

So why does her heart feel like it's breaking?]

No need to be sorry. I understand.

[It's that simple realization that she's always sort of known but didn't want to acknowledge. There's no way Xiao Xingchen would ever look at her as anything more than a little sister--not now, not ever. Xue Yang has won this war, and A-Qing can't do anything about that.]

Daozhang, you should make sure he knows these things too. He's stupid, so if you don't spell it out for him often enough, he won't get it.

Edited 2020-01-22 05:55 (UTC)

[ he loves a-qing as a sister, as family and would lay down his life for her. he does not know it, but she had saved him and song lan; a-qing had the bravery to set the wrongs of yi city right.

but what a-qing sees so clearly, xiao xingchen does not. he is in love and does not know it because the concept is too alien. he is blinded now, still. ]

You think he does not know? [ a flicker of surprise because to xiao xingchen nothing he is telling a-qing is secret. it's all so there, surely everyone else knows this? how he wishes to save xue yang? to stay by song lan's side? to protect a-qing? ]

So, between you and him, you're the clever one? [ he reaches over to pat her head. ]